What would the characters of FMA think of
by 0oJustAFeelingo0
Summary: -the society we live in today? I KNOW I WOULD LAUGH REALLY HARD  at Ed . This is just a story about our 2 main canon pairings  EdWin,AlMei  in our mixed up, random society. T for maybe later on and Ed's potty mouth. Another genre to describe is humor :3
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome one and all to the debut of MYSELF! This is my first ever fanfic everybody :D**

**This intro is gonna be long since it's my first for the series, so sorry if this bores you T_T  
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**It's a kinda choppy story with random topics that all go along one story line ._. I'm not sure whether or not to make the chapters start where the previous one left off -.-**

**I read a fan-fic summary that included how Edward Elric would react to certain aspects of Twilight (but I forget the name, sorry. It was really good too).**

**That got me thinking: I bet a lot of things in this world would seriously upset him.**

**Some of these things include: the popularity of Twilight (idea of using Twilight taken from the fan-fic previously mentioned), Justin Bieber, YouTube, shopping, Facebook, gay people, televisions, Wal-Mart vs. Target, and American failures at Asian cooking (plus more :3)**

**So read on to see poor Ed, Al, and Winry (later Mei Chang too :D Al would get lonely and awkward surrounded by the adorable couple for the entire story -w- poor guy ) and how they try to cope with the common happenings in our modern, messed up society.**

**Oh, on a side note, don't worry about how they get to America; that would make the story too complicated x.x' I'll trust you guys to rely on your imaginations :3**

**By the way, these chapters won't have any set lengths or word restrictions since I like to give you guys a whole lot at once. You know, to make up for my irregular uploads. It'd be smart to choose to watch this story (if you like It at all that is -_-) so you can see whenever I update. But don't feel like you have to. I'm not forcing ANYBODY! D:**

**So if for some crazed reason, you're sad enough to revolve your life around this story, go out, make some friends, and just spend your waiting time doing something to better society. Like… I don't know, invent a new currency, see how many licks it takes to get to center of a tootsie pop, Rick-roll your classmates, I don't care.**

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**Disclaimer:**

I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or the like. If I did, we would've seen a kiss between Ed and Winry ./sadface

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**Chapter 1: Intro**

"Hurry up, Winry! If you don't walk faster, we'll leave you behind!"

"I'm coming! 'Geez, Ed, I'm not that slow!"

"What do you mean 'we', brother? I'm back here with Winry."

"Shut up, Al! Just keep walking!"

Through a series of …complicated events, Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric, and Winry Rockbell found themselves exiting the Los Angeles airport. While Ed lugs two suitcases out the third and last automatic door leading outside, Winry and Al are stopped at the second door to admire how it opens on its own. Edward stops outside the final door to look around.

"Aw man… it's hot out here," he moans to himself. Quickly glancing back, Ed moves to the left to let the people behind him move freely out of the doorway. Dropping the suitcases, he turns around to check on his friends. On tip-toe, he tries to look over the now powerful crowd thronging out the airport doors. He could hear snippets of the surrounding conversations and, for some reason, they were all muttering the same thing. Something about two obvious foreigners.

"Did ya see those people back there?"

An obnoxious, heavy accent caught Ed's attention above all the other surrounding conversations. He looked in the direction of the voice to find a petite girl with short, straight black hair, a large pink and black zebra-striped bow pinned to the side of her hair. She was walking with a taller girl with long and wavy blonde hair. They walked just passed Ed and stopped a few yards away on the same side of the crowd as him. _That voice couldn't have come from her, _Ed thought. He started looking around the crowd to find the heavily accented girl and hope to catch more of what she was saying. But when the blonde girl spoke in an equally annoying accent, he figured it had to have been one of the two.

"Oh, I know, darlin'! They were so tacky, tappin' and rubbin' the door." the blonde girl said loudly. Her accent wasn't equally annoying, it was even heavier than the other girl's, the two unmistakably from the same place.

"It was like they'd neva' seena door that opens on its own. Am I right?" the black haired tried to say softly. _Even when she tries to talk quieter, it's loud. _Ed sustained a smirk. _This country is so rude._

Getting passed their accents, Ed started thinking about what they were actually saying instead of their voices. His widened, then he frowned, sighed, then rolled his eyes. He knew full well who those girls were talking about.

He stuck his hands in his pockets and, keeping his head facing forward, peeked to the right to get a better look at the girls (after all, he didn't want to seem like a weirdo, obviously staring at two teenage girls.) Ed stopped and sighed again at the thought of getting called a pervert having been in this country for only 10 minutes.

The shorter one was turned slightly, her back to him. But the blonde girl facing him was easy to make out. And boy, was she something. Her skin had an unrealistic, orange looking tan and fat, deep red lips. The color of her face didn't really match the skin tone on her neck. _I hope that's just a bad makeup job, _Ed thought, pitying the girl slightly. She had three earrings in each ear, none of them matching. She loudly smacked on a piece of hot pink gum.

The plastic looking girl spoke. "At least the girl looked kinda cute." As she talked, Ed noticed a shiny dot in the center of her tongue. _Who pierces that? …What if her gum gets stuck on it?_

"Mmhmm. She was adorable. But she didn't suit the guy she was with at all. He looked kinda… you know?"

"Oh ya, like that…"

Ed rolled his eyes. Based on what he's seen so far, these people obviously didn't have the right to judge by appearances. He felt a bit of a happy tingle in his chest because Al and Winry didn't look good together, even if it was these odd strangers who said so.

"Well, do you see Alexis?" the blonde girl asked.

"His name is Alex, and for your information I don't think we should even be here." The short girl crossed her arms and turned around. She got on her toes to get a better look over the crowd for their Alexis/Alex. Ed's eyes grew even more wide and he quickly looked away from the two girls. After seeing the girl with black hair, he wasn't sure whether or not to looked back at them.

Her skin tone on her face was incredibly pale, only looking paler next to her friend. Not only did she have a total of eight dots and loops pierced her ears, but her left ear had a gigantic hole in it with what looked like a piercing defining the hole to make it larger and stretching her earlobe. Her eyebrows consisted of black eyeliner Ed had only seen in plays. _But isn't that used on a girl's eyes?_ Ed yelled inwardly as his eyes strayed to a group of birds fighting over a cracker. Starting the feel awkward, he stood a bit straighter and pulled his arms inward as the pale girl, still on her tip-toes, edged in front of him. He took a half a step back as the blonde girl asked, "Can ya see her?"

"Nah, just a bunch of normal looking people," she replied in a bored tone. "I honestly don't know why we brought him."

_Wait, is this a boy or a girl…_Ed thought.

"Oh, I see her!" the blonde girl exclaimed with a note of excitement in her voice.

Ed turned to get a look at whoever this confusing Alexis/Alex person was. His jaw dropped and his eyes grew even wider as he spotted someone who could only be properly identified by the "/" in their name.

Ed couldn't help but stare as a muscular guy waved familiarly to the pale girl, her wiggling her fingers back. Ed started panicking at this obviously masculine guy skipping daintily in high heels. He was wearing a pink dotted shirt cut close to his neck with black chest hairs poking out and a white, swishy skirt. His hair was long, red, and slanted across his forehead while his cheeks and chin showed a five o'clock shadow, even though it was only noon. The flowers pierced into his ears sparkled as he exited the building and pranced outside, even though the gigantic overpass above them blocked the sunlight. As the person spoke, a male voice struggling to sound girly came out.

"Oh, yoo-hoo! Gals! There you all are!" Alex (Ed decided that it was, in fact, a boy) also seemed to be forcing the same accent as the girls, more funny than real. Waving his hand up and down, the clashing green purse swishing on his arm, Alex either stomped or skipped (depending on how you look at it) over to his friends.

The three of them started chatting and walking away. The blonde girl stopped to straighten Alex's hair and push a chest hair back into his shirt, then the three of them walked around the corner and were gone.

Ed stood there looking at the place they had disappeared, his mouth still open having stared at the man the whole time.

"Close your mouth, you look like an idiot."

Mouth still open anyway, Ed turned to see Winry and Al walking up, Winry with her hands on her hips and Al leaning to one side as her lugged his massive travel bag. Winry was looking at Ed in an irritated way , while Alphonse was looking at the ground, appearing thoroughly spooked.

Ed paused, closed his mouth, and gave his brother an unbelieving look. With a weak voice, Ed asked, "Al… Did you see what I saw?"

Al looked up at his brother, saw his expression, smiled, and replied, "Probably. Was what you saw dressed like a teenage girl, carrying a purse that didn't match his outfit, and had crooked hair?"

"Yup… that's the one," Ed replied quietly, rotating back to look back at the corner the odd group had disappeared around. Leaning down, he rubbed up and down on his face with a cool, gloved hand as the other reached down to search for a suitcase handle. He stopped rubbing and picked up the other one as well. "Well, I bet if these people came to our country, they'd be just as unbelieving. We shouldn't judge them."

"What are you two talking about? I wasn't paying any attention to the people passing by! I was looking at that really cool door," Winry exclaimed. She took Ed's arm and shook him on every emphasized syllable. "IT-WAS-SO-COOL," she said. Letting go of his arm to clap her hands against her cheeks, Winry began to explain in detail how the automatic door works. "You see, there's a sensor above the door way! It reads in a 10 foot radius and whenever there's motions within the scanner's region, the inner mechanisms open the door. I realized there wasn't a sensor under the floor by swishing my arm like this-" Winry stopped speaking to show how she violently swished her arm to the side to open the door. A couple behind her jumped back quickly to avoid being hit. "-within the ten foot radius and it still worked. Before that, I stepped within the radius and it worked, but a floor sensor works by pressure, so it shouldn't be able to read something if it's swished above it, am I right?"

"Yeah yeah, sure Winry," Ed replied with a bored tone and a sigh. "While you were messing around, I hope you know that people noticed how much you stood out. A group that just went by here was talking about you both." On the word both, Ed looked at Al.

"Oh really? What'd they say about us?" Winry asked with interest, not dislike.

Not getting the reaction he'd hoped for, Ed just dismissed her. "Nothing, nothing. Let's just go," not wanting to tell Winry people saw her as "kinda cute" and "adorable".

Her jaw dropped at the obvious dismissal. "Wha-What do you mean nothing? You just said it was SOMETHING!"

"Shut up, woman! Don't yell in public!" Ed shouted equally as loud back.

"You're yelling in public, you hypocritical pig!"

"WHAT? Do you have ANY IDEA how-"

"You guys!". The bickering couple turned to look at Al, who'd actually raised his voice. Winry noticed his face was slightly pink, while Ed noticed the murmurs spreading through the diminishing, but still powerful crowd "If we don't get to our hotel on time, we might have to pay a fee, right? We're late as it is, so if you're going to fight, do it in the cab!"

Winry considered this for a moment, and sighed, placing her hands slowly on her hips and shifting the pressure of her stance to one leg. "I guess. We don't want to lose too much of the already limited money we have, right?

Ed agreed with an "mhm", turned around, and took the lead, following the sidewalk to the nearest empty cab with the driver holding open the back door for any willing customers.

Al bent down to pick up his own hard-cased suitcase to act like he was about to follow. When Ed was a safe distance away, he took the opportunity of whispering to Winry, "It was nice of him to carry your suitcase for you, huh?"

Winry looked up at him and he pleasantly smiled back. Turning her gaze to Ed, she replied, "Mm, I guess," as if trying to come up with some sort of reason he was being so nice.

The two of them watched as Ed talked to the driver, then followed him to the back of the car. The driver inserted a key into a slot in the back of the car, making the trunk pop open. Ed lifted the two suitcases almost effortlessly into the compartment and turned back to Winry and Al. Pulling down one pocket with his thumb, Ed smiled and called, " If you two don't hurry up, I'll leave without you."

Snapping back to the present, Winry exclaimed, "Ah, sure! Come on, Al."

"I know, I'm coming," Al said, more to Ed than to Winry.

As Al came over, Ed told Al to get in on the left. _He doesn't want Winry to go by all the cars in the road, _Al thought, a teasing expression obviously on his face.

The driver opened the right door for Winry, then the passenger door for Ed, and jogged around the front of the car to get in the driver's seat.

Winry was about to climb in when she glanced at Ed. She saw that he was looking up. She turned her head to see what he was looking at: an airplane flying away into a calm, nearly cloudless sky.

"Well, we're already here," she commented to Ed.

It took Ed a few seconds to realize she was talking to him. "…Yeah, I guess we are."

"Might as well have fun with it, right?"

He now turned and looked down at Winry. Ed's eyes widened a bit when he saw she was smiling widely up at him, her cerulean eyes sparkling up to contrast his own golden ones. His face tinged a slightly red when he thought about how her face could look so utterly adorable. The car door between them, Ed frowned and pat her head. "Yeah, I guess we should."

Winry smiled even bigger back at him, making him turn even more red. She climbed into the car, shutting the door behind her. With a final look at the airplane, now a distant speck and white tail in the sky, Ed climbed into the cab.

America, meet the Fullmetal Alchemist …and friends.

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Oh, this turned out pretty good :D But did you guys think I used "he" and "she" too much? I have a hard time rotating them with their actual names x_x' owell.

And for the record, I have nothing against gay people or New York accents! I just thought Ed should react funny to 'em XD

But don't you think I could do more with the gay guy? I'm thinking of having that group reappear later. The only reason I'm not considering putting them back in is because their New York accents will take too much effort to type out -_-

I hoped you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed typing it :3

Review if you want, don't review if you're lazy, don't care, or just don't want to.

Spaztically yours, -CristalwithOrunge


	2. Chapter 2

**I've decided to type out my maniacal rants at the END of my future chapters. Since you guys don't have to scroll a lot to get to the story or so that you can just start the story quicker :3**

**Thanks to all the people who've read and favorites and reviewed! I love you all almost as much as Ed loves alchemy :3**

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**Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist or anything remotely like it or associated with it. If I did, Roy and Riza would be an official canon couple, not just the prey to my imagination and other fan fictions.**

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Chapter 2: insert title here

The sun was shining. The birds were chirping. Nature seemed to sing the joy powered by a hundred suns and a thousand loves.

Yeah… no.

Today was one of the few cloudy days California ever experienced, the air drained dry. People were bustling in and out of the popular hotel's entryway framed in roses and lights, covered by a maroon canopy. The building consisted of natural brown colored bricks, the kind you would imagine in the streets of Paris or something. The windows were European styled as well with white trim and balconies with adorable little potted plants on the ledges.

One sighed, one squealed, and one's jaw seemed to drop to the street.

"Oh my GOSH! It seems like a building straight out of a fairy tale!"

"There's no WAY we're staying in some fruit palace like this!"

"But brother, it makes Winry so happy."

Ed glared at his brother for not supporting him on this, causing him to avoid his gaze with an awkward head turn and focus on the passing crowds. Since Al refused to acknowledge his death rays, Ed decided to glace at Winry's reaction.

"Ahh~ we HAVE to stay here!" she squeaked through the hand clamped over her mouth. Her eyes were sparkling in a feminine way never witnessed by either brother. "I feel like a princess!"

"Mmm..." Without much to say, Edward weighed the pros and cons of staying here

_It would sure make Win happy… but I might wake up with rose petals on my pillow. I bet they've got some good food… but I bet it's super expensive and fancy…I bet the room is pricey too- _

His train of thought stopped with a car horn nearby.

"Hey, I drove you kids all the way here! Don't tell me you're going to skip out and not pay me!"

Al and Ed turned, Winry oblivious to the world. Their cab driver had unloaded all their luggage and was impatiently waiting with his money jar held out.

"Oh, we're so sorry sir!" Alphonse exclaimed while digging into his pocket. He pulled out his wallet stuffed with 20 dollar bills and 10 dollar bills. He handed the taxi driver $100. "… It's not much but, would you take this? Is this enough?"

"…" Not sure how to respond to this, the driver just stood there staring at the money that was obscenely too much for one 10 mile cab drive. "Uh… it's… this is fine." The driver dashed over to the driver's seat and slammed the door. He jerked to a start suddenly, then just as suddenly slammed the brakes. With a last minute thought, and craned his neck out the cracked window, yelled a rushed "Thank you, sir," then drove off just as suddenly, earning himself a few honks from nearby cars.

"Well, that sure was weird,' Al muttered.

"Hey Al, how much money did you give him?" Winry asked, the car horns bringing her out of her dreams and fancies.

"Uh… I think I gave him a hundred or so."

Silence.

"…Al, you do realize that the currency translates different here, right? Like, 100 cens is equal to 1 dollar?" Ed ventured.

"Oh really?" Al asked. Then, suddenly realizing what he was saying- "WAIT, WHAT?"

"Ed, you should've told him on the plane when you were explaining everything else!" Winry shouted.

"I DID tell you guys about the currency! How else would YOU know about it, huh?" Ed yelled just as loud back.

"I can't believe… I just gave him an equivalent of 10,000 cens…" Al muttered, a cloud of depression starting to gather around him.

A shout of, "Hey you kids! No loitering in front of the hotel! Get out of here!" was the icing on the cake.

"WHAT?"

"YES!"

"waaaaah…"

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**LOL AT POOR ALPHONSE! He's so pitiful right now XD**

**I understand that if you were to ACTUALLY convert the money, that would mean Alphonse was trying to pay for a 10 mile cab ride with what he though was the equivalent of one dollar. Try thinking about it really hard and you'll understand what I'm talking about. -_-**

**This chapter was epic short because I'm working on the original chapter 2, but I had a computer a didn't know what to do, so BAM. I felt guilty because I'm always aggravated when other people don't update, so I was imagining all of you wanting to kick my knees D: not a happy thought ._. **

**I only update whenever I feel like it or am, like today, bored on a computer.**

**Anyway, I've actually seen a few requests, so I'll probably deal with them in the next chapter :3**

**Review and all that stuffs :D **

**Oh, and I changed my screen name -w- **


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